cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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