So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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