I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
