The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
