a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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