CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
