Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
