life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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