Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
