we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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