It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
MIDGETS
????
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
