i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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