Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
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oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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