remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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