I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
