also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
