I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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