Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
