Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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