i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
