my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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