my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
