You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
