He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
