Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Im part way to drunk.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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