I hate all girls vehemently.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
