i think my tv is drunk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
