he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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