Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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