dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
