I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
