So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
you made out with another girl for some wings
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
