you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Couch. On fire.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
