I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
