i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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