Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
