I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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