my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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