You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
