During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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