Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
