Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
