Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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