it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
