He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
