you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
