is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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