scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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