what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
