Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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