hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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