Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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