$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
