My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
