Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
