Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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