My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
