She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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