First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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