fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
