The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
