I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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