are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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