i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
