We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
