ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
