lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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