windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
