doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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