sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
At least make sure they are 18
Why
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize