This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
