I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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