he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize